Good grammar just might be the key to a good time

Written by steven hall on Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 2:32 PM

Dear readers, I have no idea who originally penned this story, otherwise I would attribute it. If you happen to know the identity of the author, please hook a brothah up so I can doc it. Now then; on to the lesson:

"On my 60th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the shaman, and wondered what I was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will be more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you will be able to perform as long as you want.' As he turned and began to walk away, I asked, 'How do I stop the medicine from working?'

The shaman turned his head back over his shoulder and responded, 'Your partner must say '1-2-3-4, but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.'

I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited Cara to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!' Immediately, I was the manliest of men. Cara was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, 'What was the 1-2-3 for?'

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition."

Thanks, @MikeChadwick, for forwarding this to me!

Transcendental grade for bad grammar: Nevermind, the result was punishment enough.

Spammed on my PHONE! Thanks www.f411.com.....

Written by steven hall on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 9:57 AM

What a great way to start my day. Get up late, check. Quick shower, check. Eat an apple on the fly, check. Drive to work, check. Recieve txt message from a 3rd-party spammer, check--wait, WHAT?

Why hello there, www.free411.com, or rather www.f411.us with a splash page pointing to the .com URL. I imagine the "f" representative of what they do to your data bill.

I called the number listed in the txt reply. I was greeted with normal bs diatribe, "Welcome to 1-800-free-411, a service of Jingle Networks..." followed by a shallow option listing. Cust service, media inquiries, etc... all of which require you to leave your information and they'll get back to you--I'm sure they *will* get back to you--in your phone txt messages.

Upon realizing I wasn't going to be able to speak with someone, whom I'm sure probably wouldn't speak english anyway, I called AT&T to light them up a bit.

The girl I spoke with was knowledgeable it would seem, very nice, and spoke clearly. She took all of their information, fed it in to the system, submitted a complaint regarding the texts received, and refunded me the, oh-I-don't-know probably $.21 charged for the messages. I felt she did *her* job. I hope AT&T does *their* job and follows up with this to help insure others don't get the same text goodness.

And to my good friends--well they *must* be if their texting me in the a.m.--at free411.com: Thank you for your kind considerations. During these holiday seasons may you receive everything you certainly deserve.



Transcendental grade for no-consideration spamming SOB's: 5.5/7 Suks*.
Have to use the Wang Saen Suk scale for this one.
Transcendental grade for pleasant AT&T agent: 5/7 Chakras.

McCain top advisors fume over Palin

Written by steven hall on Wednesday, November 05, 2008 at 5:49 PM

NEWSWEEK has reported that Sarah Palin may have had quite a good time shopping in preparation for the RNC Convention:

While publicly supporting Palin, McCain's top advisers privately fumed at what they regarded as her outrageous profligacy. One senior aide said that Nicolle Wallace had told Palin to buy three suits for the convention and hire a stylist. But instead, the vice presidential nominee began buying for herself and her family—clothes and accessories from top stores such as Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus. According to two knowledgeable sources, a vast majority of the clothes were bought by a wealthy donor, who was shocked when he got the bill. Palin also used low-level staffers to buy some of the clothes on their credit cards. The McCain campaign found out last week when the aides sought reimbursement. One aide estimated that she spent "tens of thousands" more than the reported $150,000, and that $20,000 to $40,000 went to buy clothes for her husband. Some articles of clothing have apparently been lost. An angry aide characterized the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," and said the truth will eventually come out when the Republican Party audits its books.

A Palin aide said: "Governor Palin was not directing staffers to put anything on their personal credit cards, and anything that staffers put on their credit cards has been reimbursed, like an expense. Nasty and false accusations following a defeat say more about the person who made them than they do about Governor Palin."

McCain himself rarely spoke to Palin during the campaign, and aides kept him in the dark about the details of her spending on clothes because they were sure he would be offended. Palin asked to speak along with McCain at his Arizona concession speech Tuesday night, but campaign strategist Steve Schmidt vetoed the request.
There are so many things about this, if confirmed, that continue to reassure me regarding my vote. I truly believe if McCain had, all along, been as gracious and personal throughout the race as he was giving his concession speech, he may very well have been President. That notwithstanding, I am reassured about the team of Barack and Joe.

It concerns me that McCain may not have actually spoken with Palin much during the race--how wierd is that? If true, it says *volumes* about the state of that "team".

And also, if true, learning about Palin's shopping spree is alarming at best. Inconsiderate. Inappropriate. You feel in the rest of the adjectives. Having JR aides pay for things? They make like what, coal for pay? It's just not right. I love the quote, "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast". We'll see what happens when the books are audited I guess.

Sketch credit, The Huffington Post
Photo credit, "You Decide 2008"



Transcendental grade for Palin's inappropriatness if confirmed: 5/7 Suks.
yes--can't use the chakra scale, have to use the Wang Saen Suk scale for this one.

Re-post: How Will Terrorists Respond to Obama’s Election: Open Thread

Written by steven hall on at 11:04 AM

I was asked by Culture Feast founder Daniel Dessinger, a.k.a. @DanielthePoet, to weigh in on this question on the Culture Feast blog. They have permitted me to re-post here. My response to the question is below. I invite your comments whether in agreement or telling me I'm full of crap:

Posted on 05 November 2008 by Daniel Dessinger

It's safe to say that in this neck of the world, there are two predominant ideals regarding the anti-American terrorist response to United States Presidential Election. This is an open thread, so we'll state the two opposing views and allow you to discuss.

View #1: Anti-American Sentiment Will Lessen As a Direct Result of Obama's Election
Many people hold Republicans and, more specifically, President George W. Bush, responsible for the militant anti-American sentiment around the world. Those holding this view believe that America has now proven it's true heart by electing Barack Obama, and that the rest of the world will take note and not hold the entire country responsible for past presidential "atrocities."

Perhaps terrorists, Iran, Syria, Korea, and others will see the United States differently now that George W. Bush and his worldview are being removed from office. If so, a new era of peaceful negotiations and resolutions to conflicts could begin. Or at the very least, these sovereign nations will not pursue terrorist action because they expect to be respected as sovereign nations and left alone by the previous "world police".

View #2: Electing Obama Has Opened the Floodgates for Terrorism Against American Interests
According to this view, Republican military strength was necessary to express and demonstrate American strength to terrorist factions and dictatorships around the globe. Now that the United States has elected a leader who prefers talks to a show of military force, the impact upon groups most likely to plan a terrorist or military strike is minimal. These groups have a blood feud with the United States and its ideals, and will not be deterred by a Democratic Obama.

In fact, Obama represents weakness. His expressed unwillingness to make difficult preemptive military decisions makes his presidency a prime target for terrorist activity. According to this view, we can expect to see a surge of military/terrorist moves during Obama's first term. They expect Obama will waste too much time trying to negotiate with terrorist/military leaders while they are free to conduct black ops and behind the scenes preparations for attacks against our nation.

Now it's your turn to weigh in.
What affect will Obama's presidency have on anti-American sentiment among terrorist and dictatorial military factions? Keep in mind, we're not talking the world at large - only those who would consider doing harm against our citizens, our interests, and our nation.
My response:
"This is a bit of a conundrum. Anti-American sentiments are not relegated to terrorists. It has been spreading, slowly, from France in the years after WWII.

With WWII being completed the U.S. played a major part in the financing and rebuilding of France. And then we played there "majorly" as if it were the new playground we had built. We did this without much regard of the French culture, and as a result anti-American sentiments slowly but steadily arose to the point it becomes a by-line joke in National Lampoons "European Vacation" with Chevy Chase.

The tie-in around the world, is the perceived philosophy of our actions. We are seen as a country that simply does what it wants, frequently without regard for our global neighbors. That may not be simply a Republican thing, but it is arguable that they have been worse at it. Now, it is also argued that, being the most powerful country, we have protected others (or tried to) and therefore have an "excuse" to "jump to the front of the line" or do what we want when most other countries are bound by a more extensive international decorum.

In interviews in Spain, Italy, South America, etc... we were described as a disrespectful people--of our elderly, our sick, our neighbors etc... That our priorities were wrong with healthcare and education and a visible disdain was the result. Despite our tremendous power.

Terrorism, on the other hand, is about chaos interruption, and skewed religious beliefs resulting statement actions.

Whereas I am inclined to think that the steady, methodical approach and controlled demeanor we have seen from Obama will continue in his interaction with our global neighbors, probably resulting over time in less anti-American sentiment; I'm not sure if it will lessen terrorism bent on U.S. disruption. Because they are about statement actions, terrorists will strive to make the largest statements when possible.

America is an advanced target. Whereas part of the activity, on our soil which we have seen, has been reprisal for our actions abroad (arguable) and may lessen *some*, we are still seen as the place to make the biggest statement. "Attack the infidel power!" I'm not convinced we're much more, or less, of a target due to an immanent change in leadership and subsequently global decorum and perception. Their actions can't be just about targeting strength--China is arguably stronger in military might. But they tend to keep to themselves relative to our activity abroad. Perhaps they too will become more of a target. They have had some small activity, in 1992, and a "foiled plot" in Beijing in 2009. Other than some minor Seperatist Muslim activity, they're okay.

Simply put, I believe *general* anti-American sentiments will lessen, but I am inclined to think that any planned path of terrorist interruptions will continue more or less as they have; even with this new President-Elect. Whether or not they will step things up because Obama is a Democrat which some perceive as militarily flacid, who can know? I *do* think they see him differently than many Americans do. I think they seem him as shrewd. Intellegent. Controlled. Perhaps even unpredicable. That may not equate to a desired conflict."

We invite you to join the conversation--what do you think? Agree? disagree? have more options to add to the consideration?

YES WE CAN: Barack Obama's Presidential Acceptance Speech

Written by steven hall on at 2:14 AM

(Speech below) At the time of writing, 90% of all precincts have reported, John McCain has conceded and delivered one of the most gracious and stirring concession speeches in recent history, and Barack Obama has won the new designation of "President Elect" with 338 of the electoral votes (270 were needed).

It feels like we are now, as a country, huddled, looking forward to new possibilities and daring to hope for wisdom and a brighter future for our families, our jobs, our homes, our economy. However this has been a hard fought battle for both parties, and the residue left for many are the harsh words that have sometimes passed among friends impassioned for their respective candidate. May we all mirror the graciousness and wisdom that was heard in the speeches of both. May we put aside our partisan divides and remember we are, and have been, friends. May we move forward seeking to be a part of promised change, doing our part to increase hope as the spark of new leadership, Presidential leadership, is immanent and preparing for the task at hand. Great thanks to both Senator John McCain for his service to this nation, and to President Elect Barack Obama for answering the call from relative political obscurity to embody the phrase, "YES WE CAN!"

President-Elect Barack Obama's Acceptance Speech

Grant Park, Chicago
November 4
Listen as you read:

BARACK OBAMA:

Hello Chicago!

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled -- Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics -- you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to -- it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington -- it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America -- I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you -- we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek -- it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers -- in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House -- a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn -- I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world -- our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down -- we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security -- we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright -- tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America -- that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing -- Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time -- to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth -- that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

-- Taken from the public domain

Watch the complete speech on CNN.com here.

<Transcendental Grade for our strong and embattled candidate: 6/7 Chakras